I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He shit in the fireplace
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
