In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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