Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
