We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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