Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
