Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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