He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
