Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
