Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
