Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
