I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
