i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I did not marry a roomba.
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