i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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