He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
