I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize