I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
