You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
