the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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