We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
