I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
