I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
