Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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