dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
