Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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