I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
