You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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