So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
