stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
