She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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