hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
