i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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