imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
