forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
