So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize