why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize