that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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