Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
