Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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