come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
