he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You are a genius and a whore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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