A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
