dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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