Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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