bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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