Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
