The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
