my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize