it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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