"it" just moved
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
