bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
