chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
