Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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