I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
