Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
