No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
