Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
