why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
