small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
