apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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