I will die if light touches me.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just threw up on my dentist
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
