i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
