eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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