the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
