he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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