Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
