I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need to stop coming to work sober
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize