used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
