Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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